Just Between Us

Just between us is when we get together once a month or so and say the things that you think but don't really say. Or you do say, but only to certain people. I'll go first, then you share in the comments and everyone will feel a whole lot better. 

Just between us...

1. It's scarf weather. Can we all just acknowledge that wearing scarves is a skill? It is a skill that I do not possess. My friend Lindsay is awesome at wearing scarves, but I always just end up choking myself or I look like I have no neck and many chins. 

2. You know what annoys me? The whole plastic straw ban. Don't get me wrong, I'm all in for banning single use plastics, but I feel like plastic straws are a scapegoat for a bigger problem and people are losing sight of the end game when they get all in a twitch about straws. 

I once saw this lady walking out of a coffee shop with a massive iced coffee in a plastic cup giving herself a pat on the back because she didn't take a straw. Seriously?! There are like 20 straws worth of plastic in that cup!

Also, the whole straw hoopla doesn't take into account people for whom drinking without a straw is very difficult. Let's choose something else to pick on. Like balloons? I fucking hate balloons.

3. Why does the Apple Watch not have a mom setting? When I've had a rough night and am exhausted and that bitch Siri is like, "your activity ring is usually further along by now..."

I'd much rather that she said something like, "I can see that you've been up since 3am since your youngest is being a complete turd, why don't you take a nap and I'll credit you for one workout" 

It should have a marriage setting too. Like, "It seems like you're out rage walking because your husband is being an ass. There is a wine shop in 300 meters that gives out free samples, just thought you'd like to know."

4. Who came up with "Ocean Breeze" scent for cleaning products? Have they literally never been to the sea? Because that is not how it smells. Like, at all. 

Also, everyone knows there is only one acceptable scent for cleaning products and it is lemon. The end.

5. Sometimes my kid looks at me with eyes so big and wide that it makes me feel like I'm watching a Japanamation cartoon. Or that I'm on acid.

6. I've actually never done acid, but now that Michael Pollen is into it, maybe I'll give it a try. 

7. I buy whole milk "for the kids" but usually end up drinking most of it myself because it tastes the best in my tea. I am not sorry. 

8. Why is wearing a Canadian tuxedo not ok, but leather on leather is cool? Who decided that? Every time I go to put on my jean jacket and realize I'm already wearing jeans I'm like, ughhhh, I can't. 

I don't own leather pants or a leather jacket, so the leather thing isn't an issue, but I saw someone wearing leather on top and leather on the bottom the other day, and she was riding the subway not a motorcycle, so it made me wonder.

9. Why are all of the other parents at the playground so calm? What are they taking and where can I get some? Do they shout in private? 

Our park has hotdog day on Thursdays where they put out a cooler of hotdogs and condiments and light a grill, and you pay around $1 and grill your own. A few weeks ago this kid ran at the table and knocked over the cooler, sending dozens of hotdogs into the dirt and his mom was just like, "oh dear, you shouldn't have done that..." as she was picking up the dirty dogs.

Niko and I looked at each other and both silently acknowledged that I would have been yelling my face off if he'd done that. 

10. Isn't it weird that the patriarchy didn't try and claim Mother Earth? That's the one thing they left alone? Why?